The most important thing for any person born to this world is family. I should stress that the birth of a child should be a result of a union out of love. Birth of a child is the greatest event in the life of any family. And it is the love within the family that any child needs most of all in this world. In our contemporary society we should make all effort to live by this: Love out of Love.
Unfortunately, for a person living in the city it especially difficult to preserve love, let alone share it, because we are led to believe that we are surrounded by lies, betrayal, lack of respect, anger, envy and hatred. Often we let ourselves be forced into bringing submerged in negativity. So let us strive to establish positive environment within ourselves and our homes for starts.
Choosing a partner for life, someone to form a family with, is an important part of that process. Isn't it an eternal mystery as to how a woman chooses a husband, father of her future children, her man? What prevails in that decision making if we may call it so - calculations of reason and logic or emotions of heart?
All modern literature and the experience of my neighbor girlfriends scream: Men like women with most awful demeanors commonly described in such terms as "true bitch", "nightmare", "she-devil" "ball buster" "hooliganka" and... let me stop here before I get carried away. It summs up to one basic notion that in order to be happy, we (girls) must be strong! We could do it all by ourselves! At the same time the media bombards us with imposing statements about what around us is to be regarded as is stylish, bold, strong, well-known, desirable, etc. Public press here and abroad is luring and pushing us into a vicious circle of beliefs: for instance they say that it does not matter if a marriage would not last as long as it is conventionally supposed to, because there will be another, and then another one yet if you so choose. And then there are also women who are simply afraid of being alone, so they agree to be close with somebody they do not love just to be with someone and that obviously leads to all kinds of psychological and thereon after psychosomatic dysfunctions disorders.
Tell me, seriously, do you really think that this kind family, created on a trial basis - could be the right environment for the child to learn what love is? Of course, it seems like the answer is plain simple and obvious: the maternal instinct of a modern woman forces her to make choices in favor of stability, prosperity and security. But "reliability" is not "Love".
As any child grows, he or she learns about the world, absorbing the emotions of parents, mimicking their attitudes and learning to love and be loved. And when the time comes they pass this love onto their own children.
In large cities, there are a lot of individuals that are always in a race with one another, perpetually earning money, forgetting about health to the extent of postponing nature calls, neglecting family birthdays and anything else except what is necessary to carry out someone's business plan in order to evade criticism from the superior on a job or worse - getting fired.
"Soviet" priorities still exist out there in the bush and even the social networks are calling us to try to "glue " and " fix" the old stuff instead of throwing it away.
Look at that "racing" member of the modern urban society. Watch them run about, leading what seems to be a successful life in all respects, even enjoying popularity with the opposite sex! I call your attention to the paradox: these individuals seem to want to have everything at once - to be perfect in their body and soul and wealth, to know no problems and sometimes to have room to be moody or even reckless. And all it equates to eventually is that they manage only to ot irresponsible. Basically the fear of not being able to cope with real emotions, both personal and of people made close, forces the "racer" to be callous, cold and closed to the light that is Love. Hence we have large numbers of marriages that are formed by convenience. These unions, despite the convenience, commonly fall apart as there is fear in both partners that the true motives of their marriage would someday be discovered. If the couple manages to retain such an important attribute of communication as respect for one another, then such a family could perhaps take its place in society yet. Such spouses could become loving parents and therefore teach children to love and be loved.
Modern society is more and more inclined to "simplify life". A new kind of "marriage" and "family" has evolved such as a "guest marriages" when spouses live in different cities, countries, or on different continents. Children in such families live with one of the parents at a time. And it all seems fine to the members of this sort of "family", parents could work and travel in peace, build career and so on. But if we remember the Christian norms in all honesty what values would a "marriage" and such "family", pass on to the children? Primarily the cynicism and endurance, and not the sincere genuine love, pure as light.
It would seem, that Catholic countries should have managed to avoid a large number of divorces more successfully, but the statistics of Spain, for instance, show that last year 70% of young families disintegrate. To try to remedy this situation, the ministers of the church register in social networks and in a very simple language address the young people with the words of the Holy Gospel.
What makes the Muslim world guard their traditions and customs so fiercely and diligently? They know that the success of a man depends entirely on the atmosphere at home. They know that when a woman gives all of her attention to the family, her spouse and family, placing her marriage above everything else, she automatically protects and preserves, builds the right atmosphere and energy, bringing prosperity to her home. With a force of a home like that, this sacred ground and treasure to take care of any man's virtue expands tenfold and such a man could accomplish anything.
Yes, it is plausable that cynicism and superficial tolerance alongside with brutal strength and mercantilism might prevail over other traits in our future, but we're people, not machines, and nature had blessed us with the emotional sencetivity and feelings for a reason and that is what makes us human. And it appears that we only aim to destroy what remains of this natural setup, learning how to live without love and kindness, avoiding compications of being responsive to the call for help, and disassosiating from things that truly make us human.
And we have almost succeeded.
Still, I firmly believe that if a marriage is built on mature, not hasty Love, it could produce the same "fruits" of Love.
As a practicing psychologist, I specialize in solving complex relationship situations, that could be as early in development as one day or long term such as mane years lasting marriages. For more then ten years I've been helping families understand the nature of whatever troubles they endure and showing them ways of preserving the power and value of the fragile connection between the loved ones, that bond that sometimes weakens because of various difficulties.
Each and every crises is unique and different, related to the specific lifestyle of those involved, the established family traditions, work or business background and even based on the childhood memories. There are no, and can not be any standards - each and every story is special, and that is what I value the most in my work and this realization allows me to come up with an effective individual approach.
Working with my clients with such an attitude we are able to investigate the nature of all of the complex issues and resolve them together on an atomic-kike level (indepth). Even the tiniest details, imperceptible to the ordinary person could yeld significant information to the profesional. Lots of clues could be derived from as little as a flashed tone of voice, and be used to help a particular couple or single patient.
In my practice, I've encountered a vast number of cases that were regarded as nearly hopeless by those involved as they made countless attempts to deal with the problem yet without success. Anyone in such situation may give up and blame the partner for or dismiss the possibility of solving the problem under a convenient premise that "it was just a mismatch of characters".
For me it is important to examine a particular issue and study it from all angles in detaile.
I got to see each participant seporately, in order to understand their personal view and role in the situation, to see what needs to be corrected and suggest what steps to take next. Each problem is designed to make us more experienced. And it is very important to talk about these problems and establish goals, to help acouple in crisis. My main aim is to help find harmony and find the way that will help the two alienated people get back together.