How could you understand someone if you're unable to realize and admit certain things within your own self? Who could be of most help in case of an urgent problem? Sometimes even in most healthy relationships things suddenly change and only a qualified professional could find the casuse and offer constructive advice to help correct the problems? Here are some of the most common questions that men and women have to deal with on a regular basis which Iya is going to clarify for you.

- Why do people seek professional help instead of going and talking to their close friends?

- That is because professional psychologist is neutral person as opposed to friends who could have their own biased beliefs and opinions that may interfere. Also a professional psychologist has an objective view.

- In the recent years more men are seeking professional help. Why do you think this is the case?

- They ought to relax some place, right? It couldn't always be their business, even if they have great passion for it, a work out in the gym, boxing etc won't do it either. Sometimes they just need to talk and relax mentally, actually that is precisely why many men find themselves lovers too.

- What are the most common problems that you're being addressed with? Do they change from year to year?

Generally it's the same problems time and time again, and usually it is the lack of understanding with between two partners in a relationship or cheating on each other. - - What are the main principles and guidelines that you most commonly follow in your work?

- As far as principles - I am a strong supporter of family values and I try my best to preserve marriages where it is possible. And I am really in favor of the word "guidelines" that you used in your question as there could be no ready-made instructions about solving cases. Every situation is unique and is to be approached individually. I rely on all of my knowledge and experience. 

- Is it possible to solve a family conflict by working with just one member of the family? 

- Yes, it is possible and in my practice that is usually how it is being done. However it all depends on the specific intricacies of the case in question. 

- How important is the role of a woman in the climate within the family?

- Often a woman has next to no clue as to how powerful her role and position is within the family. It is within her power to forfeit or ignite and preserve the fire within the family hearth both literally and metaphorically. She is responsible to realize and use this power wisely. Despite all words a woman is always aware of the type of husband she chose, yet needs to learn how to accept it.

- What's the most common cause of family disputes?

- Mostly due to the lack of patience and ability to listen to what your partner is trying to communicate to you. Women are inclined to surrender more of themselves for the sake of the family, and the nature of these sacrifices is different, which makes both sexes feel like they put much more at stake then the other side.

- Is it possible to shield off and protect a child's psyche from whatever trauma that might occur in a situation of a troubled family?

- It is easier then you might think and we should not complicate things where there is no need for that. Communicating and dialogue with each other is the number one medicine. If a man has undermined the value of communication to begin with, then after five years of marriage it would be naive to expect him to want to discuss problems should they arise. In his mind - "talking would not solve anything".  

- It's not a secret that it is the women that have stronger drive when it comes to creating a family. What would you say are the most important things a woman should be cautious of when approaching a new relationship? 

- First thing is to stay away from the male territory, and that means knowing the personal space and physical territorial bounds. It involves emotions, statements and actions of a man. Any interference in these domains has to be sanctioned or could be regarded as a hostile intrusion. Any interference in these domains has to be sanctioned or could be regarded as a hostile intrusion. Don’t try to seize any of these domains. It is much wiser to wait and observe how your man will gradually open up and grant you access to these sacred grounds.

- Are there any alarm signals or caution signs that are worth to be on lookout for in emerging relationships, or any other for that matter?

- It is something that is unique for any individual. It depends on what the person aspires towards. In other words if you plan on marrying someone and that person has no plans on getting married, then you should not wait 10 years in hopes that they would change their mind. Some times people wait, though… for many years. As an illustration of a mismatch in expectations consider the next example. Lets say we have an action man, a doer. This man has a notion that he has good chances to go out on a date with a particular lady and so on, so he calls her, believing and expecting that that is what is going to happen. This person is likely to think that when a woman is calling him, she wants more than a conversation on the phone. He does not understand the possible romantic aspect of phone calls – not his style. That, however does not mean that he is not serious about the lady in question. Generally if a man talks a lot he is likely to do much less. Men that achieve talk are scarce for words. If there is any good indicator or hallmark you should watch out for is a lack of respect, though different people have different values for what is appropriate and what is not.

- What if you observe your man going straight to the computer right after returning home from work, as if nothing else interests hm?

- Well, there are at least two possibilities there: either he lost all sexual interest in you, or he wants to relax from a hard day. However if you have reasonable doubts that it is possible for him to get that much exhausted at work at a regular basis that he could only handle AI company upon reaching home you might have a reason to be concerned. Males love to exclude themselves from social interaction once in a while and contemplate on what not in solitude. It is normal if they at least make effort to help you with the housework. Some mtn consider it a heroic feat to do as much as washing a plate, though. Men should be encouraged nevertheless. Even if they don’t do a damn thing – you better compliment them and say something like “Your procrastinative idleness is so god-like and perfect in its glorious wholesomeness, that I can’t help but adore you”. If by a miracle he did help, you should thank him further more? Noting that it would’ve ben an impossible task to take on without his assistance. Try not to ask for favors but arrange the circumstances in such a way that men would willingly come to your aid, and remember that men hate to be obliged to do something.

- What is the most successful strategy of behavior when it comes to interacting with males?

- The more you show that you are capable to be independent, the more irresistible you become in the eyes of men.

- Wouldn’t that on the contrary draw men away from you?

- No. Because when they are spending time together she adores him and praises like a deity, and when he is not around she goes about her daily routine, being an intelligent and self-sufficient person she’s ought to be.

-Is manipulating a norm and is it a part of any relationship?

- When you offer a child a sweet or a present as a reward for achieving a goal at school, isn’t that a manipulation? It sure is, but it is for the better. Similarly in any relationships there is room for some manipulation. It is usually the leader that manipulates the most. It is important to acknowledge the reasons for manipulating somebody and simply not taking it too far, where it becomes a crime against a person.

- Could two leaders evwer get along?

- Yes, if the woman is willing to be smart and even cunning. If she would be wise enough to know how to let the man know that he is in charge. He should always know that he is the one making all of the decisions.

Interviewer – Evgeniya Popova